SIRI? WHERE IS MY ORGASM? 2.0

A year ago, LELO dropped the worlds (allegedly) greatest vibrator. But first, some backstory; time for a cis white male to tell you about the elusive female orgasm.

A long time ago in a land far away, the Swedish intimate lifestyle company LELO designed the original personal assistant. SIRI 1 dropped in 2010 to thundering applause. As part of a trio of releases including LELO Ella and LELO Mia, the little vibrator was tremendously successful. It had women around the world coming to fruition right off the bat. The next year, a little company called Apple introduced their own SIRI, a non-corporal semi-AI to help you keep track of your life. Similar yet different, both Siri’s ease the stress out of day to day life.

Flash forward to 2015, and LELO introduces the SIRI 2.0. It widely improves on the functionality of the previous model, with many extras to boot. Retailing for around $130-200, SIRI 2 is a hit.

shumFirst, the bad news. No, this will not replace having a real life flesh and blood partner. It’s close, but no cigar. SIRI 2 is apparently not as waterproof as previously advertised, as some intrepid users discovered. Some testers had issues with the music mode (more on that in a second), claiming that there was no in between; it was either ON or it was OFF. It can pack quite a wallop, so being interrupted by blast buzzes on your hoo-ha might break you out of the mood.

Okay now the juicy good news. In just a USB charged 15-20 minutes, you’re good for 2 hours of intimate, happy, fun time. The smooth silicon is ergonomic regardless of hand orientation. For such a small device, the rumble can be anywhere from overdramatic to whisper quiet. It comes in stylish red, purple, or black, perfectly suited to match lingerie of any occasion.

Now the unique portion. SIRI 2 comes equipped with 8 functioning ‘music’ modes: different pulses and vibrations based on pre-set beats. In the catalog is everything from Classical (A lady’s night in) to Jazz (Just feel it) to Rumba (self-explanatory). Some experimentation might be needed in order to find your spirit genre, but the additional 9th mode is the most exciting. SIRI 2 can pick up on ambient noise through a little mic hole in the bottom of the device. Meaning, this toy works great with a partner, as the device will vibrate based on your partners voice, in theory.

Therapeutically speaking, the SIRI 2 can also be used as a personal voice masseuse, since it operates in the frequency between 110 and 120 hertz. This range matches that of the human voice, so it can be used by actors, singers, and chatterboxes of all professions who need some throat action. University of Alberta professor David Ley has been doing much experimentation on this, to positive results so far.

All in all, if you can stomach the price tag, the SIRI 2 might be the last clitoral vibrator you will ever need to buy. It’s got it all: fast, slow, noisy, quiet, masseuse, and ability to respond to your partners rasps and moans. It’s been out for a year and the reviews are in.

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